Sunday, January 4, 2009

can't blame a lack of inspiration

nearly 2 months.
and my last post wasn't even me but a beautiful quote from Baha'u'llah... definitely better :)
but so much has happened in the last 2 months.
in THE world, and in MY world.
and its so interesting how the two are so connected..
we are 6 billion.. it seems so vast when i say it and think about it.
but amazingly we all play a role in everyone else's life.
i still don't know what my role is.
its funny i was looking at the first intention with which i started this blog.
and it was a good one indeed. 

to search.

but the answer to my search is still an 'i really don't know'.

not an 'i don't know' who i am. 
that one was sorted when i was 17. i still remember that exact moment, place, thoughts, feelings, sensations, and spirit with which i came to know Who made me and where i come from, and really why i am here. this i am sure of.

but my 'i really don't know' refers to the idea of 'will i make it or not'.
will i manage to be strong, to love, to be honest, to be just, to be faithful, to be worthy of the trust of people, to be pure, to be generous, to be guarded in my speech, to be an answer to who needs help, to be a light unto them that walk in darkness, a smile for the sad, a sea for the thirsty, a fruit on the tree of humility?

i think that since coming to china i have learned a lot of new things, and have experienced wonderful moments as well as harder ones... i have changed and grown.
but some deeper things of who i am have yet to make that change... in the sense that this experience is not what will change gives you that chance to see what you need to work on...

a change in setting will not do the trick as i once foolishly believed... rather it just highlighted my limitations.. i guess its good. its a bath in the ever-refreshing sea of humility. i hope i am swimming in it.
hope you all (if any of you are left) are doing well.
love you all.